Christmas on a Dimmer
There is no rhyme or reason to grief.
The month of December can be best equated to a light dimmer.
One night, I was really looking forward to watching a Christmas movie and just about an hour before we started it, the light dimmer swooshed due south and the light went out. I was over it.
Another night I was feeling a Christmas movie but not one of the traditional ones. My mom and aunt think that The Long Kiss Goodnight is a holiday movie. I, on the other hand, think it is pretty violent and not super cheerful but in the moment, it was about as close to Christmas as I was going to get. It actually made me want to do a character change like Geena Davis and paint my nails, cut my hair off and fight crime. Sort of. Maybe just the nail polish part.
Christmas music so far has kept the light dimmer pretty high. That is about the only thing I can tolerate. Writing about my aunt during the holidays can help bring the dimmer north too. But in almost every other sense of the season, I could care less.
The only present on my list, a pillow.
No decorations up.
Movies are touch and go.
No Christmas cards, no holiday letter.
One minute I feel excited about my favorite time of year and the next minute it's gone.
So we are embracing what is and what isn't. What works and what doesn't. What we care about doing and what we don't. Nothing should be fretted over.
Except for maybe that today marks 6 months without my aunt and my mom's sister. That we will fret over.