What She's Missing
While waiting for our hideous passport photos to develop, we were perusing the beauty section. Ha! We stumbled upon this nifty lip stick shaped facial hair remover. We snatched it off the rack and purchased it with our photos.
My hopes of it working were a little low but the thought of a more pain-free way of removing hair that doesn’t include plucking or waxing sounded fantastic.
While fortunately for my mom, her facial hair seems to be limited and blonde, my Aunt Cardie and I did not fall into that category. She was always plucking (and waxing) my eyebrows and spreading hair removal cream on my upper lip to get rid of the “mustache” hair. She loved a good eyebrow and so we sort of bonded over the ritual.
Fast forward to the new hair removal tool and I immediately ripped it open, shoved in the batteries and situated myself in front of the bathroom mirror. In a few quick swipes my upper lip hair was gone and then that pesky chin hair and a few other others on my face. It was magical. I did a few circles around my moms face and was shocked to see a teeny tiny ball of hair in the little machine. Our upper lips and chins were as soft as a baby’s bottom.
I’m guessing you’re wondering why in the world I’m telling you about my facial hair. And you could certainly argue that this hair free obsession is something marketed by society so why not just stop. But alas, it wasn’t really about any of those things except my aunt.
When we were done removing our hair, I wanted to share this miraculous new tool. I wanted to show her that now all of her facial hair removing dreams had come true - but I couldn’t. And for a split second I was mad. I was mad that she wasn’t here and I was mad that she was missing out on something that (while superficial) would have made her jump for joy.
I remember both my mom and aunt telling me that they vividly remembered the point where technology had advanced past what their mom had experienced because she died in the 80s and how astonished she would have been by cell phones and the internet and all of the other things that really bloomed over the last twenty years.
And now that’s my reality. And in the next 5-10 years, I’ll be thinking that same thing too. Look at what we can’t share with her. Grief is so much more than just the loss of the person, it’s also the missed opportunities and the humongous pull to have them there when they can’t be.